hipstah's Xanga

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Sun, 14 May 2006 17:16:11 GMT

I just wanna make it loud and clear:

http://paulaperalejo.multiply.com

is not my multiply account. Whoever it is is just a poser.

I will say no more.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Sun, 13 Nov 2005 10:30:08 GMT

Note: This entry was written a few days ago, while I was watching The Correspondents. However, I realized I had no internet connection when I was about to send it. I would still like to share this entry so even though it's late, I hope you read this and help me make a difference. Thanks.

***

I have lost my urge to write...for quite a while atleast.

But right now, while I am watching The Correspondents, I suddenly felt like letting my feelings out.

I know I definitely have to write about this one.

First of all, my heart is breaking.

Imagine a prison full of old women. Old as in seniors. They have been staying there for more than century. One is blind, and the other was freed but through something she wouldn't have hoped for--death.

Most of the cases are minor yet they are paying their whole lives for it.

They are all different. But they all have two things in common: they are in jail, and they are poor.

This is injustice at its finest. Why are most (if not all) of the rich out when their cases even include rape or murder?

This. Is. Heart. Breaking.

I hope the President really puts her Power of Executive Clemency to good use, and give it to the right people.

As for me, I do hope to make a difference.

I just realize now how selfish I have been. Eversince I developed an allergy to fleas, bugs, mosquitoes and any insect for that matter, I have not been a very active member of the Philippine Animal Welfare Society. And maybe it's not really my fault that I can't be that active, but maybe too, I should have looked for other organizations where I could help make a difference.

For the longest time, I have done nothing but please myself. I would just do what I think is fun and well, beneficial to me.

But stories like the one I'm watching now move me and wake me up.

I feel blessed to be among the blessed, but I don't think it gives me the right to forget about the forgotten.

I am happy with my life now, but I am looking for more meaning, and I do know that if I start doing something for others and help even in the smallest way I can, I do know that I will be a hundred times more fulfilled.

So, I hope you can help me start moving for honestly, I don't know where to start. I want to help each and every needy but I know that would be too hard if not impossible. I don't want to be one of those who just talk and talk but don't do anything--ever. So maybe, just maybe you can help me by answering this question.

In your opinion, what are the three institutions/ volunteer groups/ charity programs/ etc that need the most attention? If you were me, which institutions/ programs would you help during your free time? Why?

And if it's not too much to ask, can you please let me know how I can help and please do put the contact numbers.

I know donations help a lot, but I prefer to give my time.

I will be waiting. Thank You So Much.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Sat, 05 Nov 2005 03:26:09 GMT

MY LIFE IN 6 WEEKS!!

CoRrEgIdOr IsLaNd, PHiLiPPiNeS

LoS BaNoS, LaGuNa

SyDnEy, AuStRaLiA

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

LoS AnGeLeS, CaLiFoRnIa

SaN FrAnSiScO, CaLiFoRnIa

NeW JeRsEy

SoUtH NeW JeRsEy

LaS VeGaS

BoRaCaY IsLaNd

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Sun, 25 Sep 2005 09:02:25 GMT

"For every woman who is tired of acting weak when she knows she's strong, there is a man who is tired of appearing strong when he feels vulnerable."

--Nancy R. Smith

Click here to see the whole poem.

She just put into words exactly how I see the issues men and women are facing.

Women are oppressed; Men repressed.

Not that I'm anti-feminism, but I think it's about time to acknowledge both sexes' problems.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

Sat, 10 Sep 2005 17:06:19 GMT

Mentors.

What are they really?

In the dictionary, they're defined as trusted counselors or guides.

In everyday language, they're understood as people we actually spend time with, get to know and learn so much from. They're the ones who guide us and serve as our inspiration.

But for me, I define mentors in a different way. They don't have to be close to us, they don't have to like us, or even remember us after a few times of meeting with them, but in our perspective, they have changed us a lot--for the better, and became a source of strength and inspiration.

I have considered many mentors in my life. My family, my friends and even animals. But, let me make this a tribute to those who I met inside the classroom but has affected my life even after school hours.

In my former school De La Salle-Araneta, I was inspired by one great professor, Sir Tagal. He was my teacher in Politics and Government. Truth be told, it was because of him that I started becoming politically aware. Before I took his class, I had no intentions of learning about Politics and anything related to it. All I thought then was that it's dirty and nothing more [well, now that I know more about it, is there really something more? haha]. I didn't really care about the current situations or the political scandals happening then. But after taking his class, I was just so inspired that I even started thinking about taking up Law in the future. It was just so amazing how he know the constitution so well that he had an answer to every question I made. And while he may not know it, he has actually made a big difference in my life.

And then I transferred to the University of the Philippines.

In my first semester, I was lucky to have been under Professor Sayson, who in spite of my 2 failed exams [it's formal logic, for christ's sake], gave me a final grade of 3 [which is the lowest grade] for almost complete attendance [i think i was only absent once--and that was because i couldn't get out of the house because of SONA which was held right outside our village], and well, I believe he saw my effort [he actually failed someone because she wasn't really showing any]--only I really couldn't follow those intimidating P's and Q's. Of course not all professors are like that, that's why I'll always be thankful I took his class. And no, I do not hate him for giving me 3 because I know I deserve that grade. I actually love him for being fair and considerate, and most of all, for not crushing my dream of finishing college. Had I failed that, I would have lost hope. So I'm really thankful I was lucky enough to be under a very nice professor, who I learned a lot from [except for the P's and Q's, haha].

In my second semester, I took Creative Writing under Professor Jerry Los Baños. At first, I thought I was going to learn about writing better. But no, I realized through Sir Jerry that although there are kinds of writing that are better [or, more appealing to different markets], no one can really teach us how to write [unless maybe someone will proofread all our articles, haha], but we can learn how to appreciate the different types of writing. Before entering his class, I had no appreciation for poems using metaphors. I mean yes, that's what defines a poem, but just like how I write, I like readings poems that are straight to the point. But in his class, not only did I learn to appreaciate poems that take time before I create an interpretation, I have grown to appreciate reading short stories not because the stories are really great or different but because of the writing styles used. I have learned to analyze more than what the text says. I try to figure out everything from the time it was written, the culture at that time, the characters, everything. And it's all because of Sir Jerry.

It was also in my second semester that I took Speculative Thought, a major subject under Sir Jojo Bañares, where he discussed philosophers from the religious ones, to the empiricts and rationalists to the existentialists. Through him, I have grown to love and appreciate Philosophy even more. It was because of him that I told myself I will not shift whatever happens. And it was also because of him that I learned how to think critically, weighboth sides, find inconsistencies and create arguments of my own.

It was also last semester that I took yoga class under Maam Alberta Guanio. A yogi for more than 25 years now, she has truly served as an inspiration to me. Her graceful moves, her unending wisdom, her peaceful self, her healthy mind and heart. At her age [I'm guessing she's in her late 40's or even in 50's now], she was never sent to the hospital, she's never had migraine or any stress-related attack. Her radiance comes from within. The peace is inviting. It was from her that I've realized the importance of living a non-stressful, happy life, and the importance of eating right. She's the only one that truly convinved me why vegetarianism should be promoted and practiced if possible. She may not remember me when we meet again, but I will always and forever be grateful to her, and remember her as the woman of grace and wisdom. [I was so inspired by her that I actually made her my character for my creative writing class. The name, the physical features, the speech...everything.]

And now, this semester, I have been lucky again.

I have met two of the best teachers all students wish they encounter. I know I'm only in my sophomore year but I know these two will already be in my top 10 list of great professors.

Meet Alwin Aguirre and Eric Julian Manalastas. UP students, if ever you have to take Pop Culture and Gender and Sexuality, take Sir Alwin. And if you have to take Psychology 101, take Sir Eric. I'm telling you, every meeting is worthwhile. No matter what your grade is, you will not regret it.

When I first met Sir Alwin, I told myself, "He's such a cool guy! Young, nice, funny, fashionable, and very articulate." On our first day, he already asked us something that made me think. And every class from then on was full of conversations that stimulated each and everyone's thoughts and opinions. He made me see Pop Culture in a different light. Having grown up in the world of show business, my perspective was leading towards that direction, of course. But seeing the other side and interpretation of things through Sir Alwin gave me a lot of realizations and conclusions. And then recently, I learned that he's actually a Palanca awardee [2nd place on Sci-Fi], a poet, a writer and has already published a book. At his age, he surely has achieved a lot. But what I appreciate about him the most is his humility. Not once did he mention that he won an award, or that we should buy his book to support him or because he's a great writer. Had I not talked to a friend of mine about his teaching, I wouldn't have known. The award and achievements may somehow tell us about how great Sir Alwin is, but they can never define how he really inspires his students, and how he has shaped our minds to always stay open and see beyond what the text says.

Sir Eric is just as interesting as Sir Alwin. He's funny, he's very intelligent, he's very witty, he's cool, he knows what interests his students and he applies everything he has learned in Psychology. I remember telling my friend, "I want to be Sir Eric's friend." And I didn't say that for grades or anything related to school but because I really think he's such a fun person to talk to, and I believe I'll learn a lot from him. I can imagine myself not talking in front of him because I'll just be listening to whatever he says and as always, be fascinated. First day I met him, I already knew I took the right professor. And I was not wrong. Every meeting is a happy meeting, literally. He leaves us with these amazing information and encourages us to apply it as much as we can. He gives us the funniest examples, and the easiest to understand so that we can really grasp what he is saying. But even though the examples are funny and easy to comprehend, they're not just that. They're actually important examples. The class is so fun that even though I am almost about the sleep [or even have microsleeps--unintentionally] in the class I go to before his, I never feel sleepy in his class, and I never notice the time [I don't even look at my watch/cellphone] when I'm inside his classroom. Being late for just one minute means a whole new information missed. My decision to really stick to Psychology as my elective is all because of him. And I thank him, for finally showing me why I should stick to my decision.

These people are not people I get to hang out with after our class schedule. These people aren't close to me in aspects other than academics. But these people, without their knowing, have changed my perspective on a lot of things. These people, without their knowing, have taught me things I wouldn't have learned otherwise. These people, without their knowing, have helped shaped who I am today. These people, without their knowing, have encouraged me and gave me hope and wisdom. These people, without their knowing, bring out the best in me. It's because of them that I work harder and take my classes seriously and meaningfully. These people, without their knowing, have inspired me so much more than they probably think.

I would not have been this kind of student if not for these professors. And whether they remember me semesters from now or not, whether they give me a high grade or not, whether they eventually become my friends or not, I will never ever forget the life lessons they have taught me and I will forever consider them as my mentors.

How about you? Who are your mentors?

Thursday, September 08, 2005

Thu, 08 Sep 2005 13:13:27 GMT

Naisip ko lang...I'm open to your own thoughts and opinions...

This argument may not even be valid...pero...

I understand some of the people who exercised their right to suffrage in the 2004 elections voted for Gloria, and of course they, who voted for GMA and assumed she cheated her way to presidency feel really betrayed. I understand that.

It's just that...okay, let's go back to year 2004. You are in front of the blank ballot. Honestly, who would you have voted for?

Like I commented in Bianca's blog, I think the problem really is that either way, the opposition and the administration are doing whatever they do not for us, but for their own benefits. There's evil in both parties because both sides have their own selfish interests and no, I don't think those who wanted the impeachment trial to push thru are heroes in any sense. I am not speaking via heuristics here or biased beliefs, I am talking based on the studies made on what's really going on inside Philippine politics, and yes, it's always been dirty. Oh and yeah, they never really thought of doing something para lang sa taong bayan. Si Ramos nalang na siyang pinsan ni Marcos, siyang hari noong panahon ng Martial Law dahil siya ay nasa military, siya pang naging isa sa mga "EDSA heroes"? Think about that.

I still don't know whether I want GMA out or not. The Impeachment trial may be a way of showing the truth, but seriously, do you think it will?

It's sad to hear people [even myself] justify things by asking "Who will replace her?". Like Bianca said, "napaka-walang bilib naman natin sa bansa natin. nakakalungkot naman na ang ganitong klaseng pangulo na lang ang best option natin." I agree, but in a way, I also think, it's a reality we cannot cover up. Yes, she isn't a great president and we deserve somebody better, but that somebody is definitely not someone who is currently in the world of politics which may run for replacement as of the moment. In short, the ones who can replace her are the ones who are not in power, and that's most probably because they are not in power, so they do not experience the ability of power to corrupt even the most moral minds yet.

Another problem I see is that even we, who are not included in the line-up of public officials and representatives, are not united. We all don't like what's happening but we have so many differences in terms of opinions and solutions. Some want her to resign, others want the impeachment trial to push thru, others want her to stay in position, and others [I included] cannot make a clear decision and a stand. In my case, it's not that I want to be apathetic [it's the last thing I want to be, sa totoo lang], but it's so so so hard especially when you try your best to see and believe that there's still hope but you just really can't grasp it in any way...

I agree with my friend Wina when she said, "to have a good leader, we must be good followers." It really makes sense. Maybe we get this kind of crap because admit it, we are not good followers. We violate even the simplest laws. We blame everything on the government without even trying to find out what the situation really is. We complain and complain yet we do nothing but that. I believe that to create change, we must change. Post-Marcos years, we had a chance to change everything. It was the perfect moment because everyone was so open and willing to do everything for the country's betterment. But what did we prove? The situation now? Is this all we can produce after suffering under a dictator?

What to do, what to do?

It's so sad.

It's so sad because I cannot make a stand [as much as I want to].

It's so sad because I can't seem to find a solution to a problem we Filipinos are facing.

It's so sad because it's hard to change something that started on the wrong foot, and has been that way since the beginning of time.

It's so sad because there will always be two sides of a story, and we'll never know the truth because there will always be biases and selfish intentions.

It's so sad because nothing and no one's really changing.

Not the government, not the administration, not the opposition, not us.

***

I really think we should change the constitution because it's nothing but a reaction to what Marcos did. Should they change the constitution, I would like to see a more objective one. What do you think?

***

THE SWEETEST THING...

is getting an unexpected gift...from somebody who means a lot to you and you know know you mean a lot to as well...

...a surprise from Mandy [the 7-year-old niece I was talking about in my last entry]. She loves giving me these surprises. She draws a lot for me, she draws in my phone's jotter and sometimes writes "I love you Maleng!". I tell you, she is an instant uplift.

Here's the catch. She doesn't even watch Family Guy because it's an adult cartoon so I don't allow her to. She just knows I like Stewie very much so she copied the Stewie pillow I have [thank you so much, netty!] and put it in paper. She's the smartest, the funniest, the sweetest and the most caring kid I know, and while she isn't really my daughter [in the biological sense], she will always be my little baby.

I've always been surrounded with kids and I want to be forever attacked by them, haha. That way, I'll grow but never lose the magic of a child.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 07:20:32 GMT

DOES IT HAVE TO TAKE A KID TO REALIZE THAT...

Commercials are getting out of hand?

Pop Culture is becoming more and more shallow?

Advertising is sending everything but the wrong signals?

Last night, my niece Amanda, a grade-three elementary student, asked,

"Yaya anong mas importante, yung sabon na pampaganda o panglinis ng katawan at pangtanggal ng germs?"

Thinking it was just one of her many questions, I teased her and said, "Whatta question Mandy, bakit?"

Then she said, "Kasi napansin ko mas maraming commercials na pampaganda katulad ng Camay, Kisa...tapos Safeguard lang yung sabon na panglinis ng katawan talaga."

Hay Amanda, buti ka pa nakikita mo yan.

If a kid can see it, how come advertising can't? [I know, I know, they choose to be blind which is even worse...]

Pop Culture cannot be avoided, I mean, something will always be popular, right? But I really really hope the products these capitalists produce are useful and not just products sold for their own monetary benefit.

Oh and yeah, I do mind that their censorship has become lenient nowadays. I do remember Amanda saying, "Hindi ko talaga maintindahan yung story ng commercial ng ____ [I forgot the commercial--Axe? Nivea?]" But it was an after-sex scene. I also get bothered with Cindy Kurleto's Camay commercial. Too sexual for a commercial, if you ask me.

I mean, if they're going to be that open about the scenes that used to be really censored, what's the point of categorizing whether a movie is GP, PG13 or R18?!?

I'm not playing a kill joy-conservative-old fashioned lady here. It's just that, when it comes to kids, I believe reality has to be a bit sugar-coated still, I believe morality should be instilled even more, and I believe that as adults and responsible beings, we should be more careful with them around.

Oh well, it's such an amusement, this world of media. It's just full of nonsense and contradictions.

***

I watched CINDERELLA MAN last night. I'm at loss for words. But damn, watch it. Russel Crowe should win best actor. I'll cry if he doesn't, hehe.

Friday, September 02, 2005

Fri, 02 Sep 2005 04:07:52 GMT

THE COULD-HAVE-BEENS

There's a stage in people's lives when no matter how marvelous things are really going for them, no matter how much they enjoy the wonders of singlehood, no matter how stable everything really is, the inevitable days will come--the days when they will suddenly realize that hey, there are actually a lot of options. There are actually a lot of people they can associate themselves with. There are actually a lot of people they can call their significant other.

These are the could-have-beens of one's life. The ones they don't intend to be together with [probably because of the number] but had they insisted, would have made it possible. The ones they find themselves so interested in, for reasons ranging from one seeing him/herself on that person to one feeling attracted to the other's interestingly different personality to one falling for the complete package. And no, these are not people they just imagine, but real people who have crossed his/her path. The neighbor they hardly talk to, the classmate they always borrow notes from, the store owner they have always found appealing, the professor they have admired from afar, the workaholic who spends time with them, or in many cases, the friend they always kept their real feelings from.

And then they realize that these could-have-beens are too many for them to try one by one. So instead, they just consider them and treasure them even after they get married.

If lucky enough, they bump into these "prospects" once in a while and then they say to themselves, "This could have been my partner."

And when they get home, they lie awake thinking of the counter-factual.

"What would have happened had I ended up with him/her? Would I have been happier?"

That's probably where answers begin to differ. But for the lucky ones, they realize that these could-have-beens do not equate to their greatest love. They're just simply, for lack of a better term, the ones who could-have-been in their current partner's position now. And yet, had that happened, it wouldn't stop their counter-factual thoughts---about the other could-have-beens, that is.

For the lucky ones, they realize that these could-have-beens are better off in that position, one of the few that must remain untouched.

After all, daydreams change when reality sets in.

So sometimes, the best way to keep something special is to leave it where it's at.

This thinking of the could-have-beens will probably never stop. Even though people give chances to those they think are the musts of their lives, these ideas of the could-have-beens will pop once in a while.

And while these could-have-beens bother their thoughts on an occasional basis, I think it's not really because they are in love with each and every prospect but maybe because, the wonders of daydreaming is really powerful, and of course, as always, it's the thrill of wanting what one does not have.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Mon, 22 Aug 2005 11:57:54 GMT

What was the biggest lie you ever told?

I remember mine.

Back in grade school, I think I was about 8 years old then, I was a shy girl with only one friend. Yes, I hardly interacted with anybody outside my family. I don't know why, I was just not comfortable talking to people I wasn't close to.

One school day, I overheard some of my classmates talking about my trips abroad. For some reason, their conversation caught my attention and when I couldn't contain myself anymore, I suddenly blurted,

"Ako, I've been to Australia, Alaska, America, New Zealand, New Jersey, New York and New Orleans." Take note of the A's and the New. I was just fond of those words at that time.

Here's the catch: I've never been out of the country that time. Not even anywhere in the Philippines that demanded a plane ride.

My classmate said, "Wow, ang yaman niyo naman!"

And not knowing how to answer back, I just smiled and looked away.

Bwahahaha. If she only knew.

Now I remember it, I laugh at myself.

And at the same time, I smile; for at that young age, I already knew what I really want to do most in life: travel.

It's your turn now, what was your one big, fat lie?

***

The Correspondents featured the National Inventors of the Philippines. Hay. Another sad realization in our country. They should really be recognized more. They should be promoted and discussed even after our high school years.

Apart from those who became National Scientists, there are those who actually invent practical stuff. If we think about it, their inventions may be nothing new to us since we've somehow thought of creating something similar and more importantly, they're things we can actually do. But then again, we are not the braver ones who invest on them and unleash our creativity. That's where the difference lies. We all think, but only few act.

These people should be given the credit they deserve.

They are heroes in their own ways.

Sadly though, in our context, who are our heroes? The elitists who do nothing but watch Polo games on Sundays and spend weekdays basking under the sun? The actors who do nothing but create a fake image and gain supporters right away? The Politicians who are after nothing but their share of the pork barrel? The Society people who do nothing but get endless free stuff and go out every night then write about them in their columns? One thing's for sure, they're most likely not the heroes people consider nowadays.

I seriously think what we need is a reality check.

It's just sad that because nobody really values them, a lot see no other choice but to turn their backs. And frankly, I cannot blame them. In fact, I do admire them for being pragmatic. Martyrdom doesn't really work nowadays, anyway.

Only rich people can afford to invent and wait for the government to act upon their invention. In truth though, very few, if there is at all, rich people even try to invent. After all, it's one's context that starts his/her creativity. And if you're in an environment where everything is spoonfed to you, I don't think there's much space for pragmatic creativity [Of course you can always create useless, expensive-but-pretty things].

The Government always says we do not have enough budget, but look at each and every Politicians house. A lot even live in Alabang, Makati and the like. Look at their family clans. They will never go hungry the rest of their lives. You need not look far to realize how this no-budget-excuse is just bull, really. Do we really lack monetary funds, or we lack humanitarian leaders?

We always complain that Filipinos hardly make us proud, but if we only look closely, we will see it's not the case. Filipinos try, really. It's just that those who deserve the credit are hardly given the chance, and those who know nothing but think of their own benefits get the best positions.

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 13:24:22 GMT

While studying [and listening to instrumental music], I looked at the images shown in Magandang Gabi Bayan--pictures of people who have physical defects--some born with 5 nipples, some born with tails, some born with different facial features, some with no fingers, and some born without arms and legs.

The graphics were too much, I tell you. But I guess this is the easiest way to show us the real situations we are facing. This is probably the most effective way for us to wake up and feel for other people.

Hay.

How cruel can the world get? And why do these things almost always have to happen to those who are not even well-off?

And here are these elites and middle class [I included], who more often than not, think about what we will buy next [the latest fashion, the newest PS2 game, etc] or where we will eat out next weekend.

It's true. We have different concerns because we come from different backgrounds and environment, but then again, I think it's no brainer to see that they, who are put in situations like poverty [and with that goes all the possible health problems in the world] and the like face harder problems. Between not knowing where to get money and actually not knowing how to spend money, I think it's clear that the former is tougher.

Just like Marxists put it, social being constructs social consciousness. And it's sad that while we are aware, very little really get affected and do something about it.

Whoever said we are all equal must have been ignorant, or in denial.

I really want to start volunteering for human rights/human-related organizations, too...I promise myself to look into that soon...

On a lighter note, I'm done with more than half of the readings and I just finished writing my two papers. Yahoo!!! I hope I pass my exam on Monday. Please wish me luck!

Oh and yeah, I forgot to mention that it's cool, the ones who have birth defects are the ones who even excel. Some images showed people with no hands painting using their feet and mouth. Ang galing!!!

Sometime, Somewhere

by: Regine Velasquez

we speak but the words we say mean nothing
we smile but the smiles we give are wanting
we look upon each other's eyes
no spark, no glow, no real signs
but we both know this is all for show

until that, sometime, somewhere
we could show the world we have each other
sometime, somewhere
we need not hide our feelings,
we just keep on believing
that we both have the time together
sometime and somewhere

somewhere, our lips would be free at last
to say the words we've hungered to say
and we won't have to worry
we smile we won't say sorry
one look and we have cast our fears aside

sometime, that sometime
will turn to forever, for all time
somewhere, our somewhere would not just be one place
but everywhere

until that sometime, somewhere
we just have to be content with stealing glances
somehow, content with saying nothing
smiles that are always wanting
though deep inside it hurts because we know

that our love, like love,
it's what it is
it's what we've got
our love, like love will have to wait
until that sometime, somewhere.

[thanks to gail for the lyrics]

***

gusto ko lang i-share: martin nievera revived regine velasquez's GOODBYE!! ggggrrrrr....i'm so pissed. nothing against martin, but geez, hindi man lang maganda yung areglo [as compared to the original version]. hay, the downside of piracy--people keep on reviving the songs for the general public to feast on.